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Everything Old is New Again

When Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge annouced an elevated threat level for New York and Washington shorty after the Democratic Convention, it was generally percieved and roundly criticised as a political ploy on the part of the Bush administration. Naturally, this outraged Ridge who said, "we don't do politics in the Department of Homeland Security," even though the chronicle of politicised threat alerts has been clearly correlated to the various bad news and poll numbers coming out against Bush. This latest episode had been revealed to be based on information which was known to be at least three to four years old. And when would that be, BHC readers might ask? The year-long period preceding September 11, 2001. Naturally, White House spokesman Scott McClellan had to stand forth and declare, "I think it's wrong and plain irresponsible to suggest that it was based on old information," even though the DHS had admitted that it was. So, is the White House spokesman calling Secretary Ridge "wrong and plain irresponsible"? Confusion or lack of coordination appears to be boundless within this administration. And that is not nearly the end of it.

In order to further justify this heighten threat level, The DHS then revealed the name of the mole within Al Qaeda from whom they, or rather the Brits, had garnered this information. Blunder number two. The Brits were incensed by this overt leak as it completely thwarted ongoing efforts to further penetrate the Al Qaeda organisation and its activities. British Home Secretary David Blunkett said, "Is that really the job of a senior Cabinet minister in charge of counterterrorism? To feed the media? To increase concern? ... Of course not. This is arrant nonsense." Good work, Ridge. Condoleezza Rice then came out and said that, indeed, the White House had disclosed Mohammad Naeem Noor Khan's identity, but not publicly. No, what she claims to have done is to have disclosed it "on background," which journalists broadly understand to mean that the identity of the spokesman is to be guarded, not the spook who's name is being leaked. It would appear to the BHC that Rice is entirely unfamiliar with White House press corps jargon. This likely is not an admirable quality in a national security advisor who speaks to the press regularly.

Now reconcile the position of revealing the identity of a mole in Al Qaeda with the US position taken toward a German court where Mounir Motassadeq is on trial for plotting the 9/11 attacks and was allegedly part of the now notorious Hamburg cell. US officials had denied, for months, access to witnesses held by the US who might aid in the conviction of Motassadeq by citing a need to "protect the sources and methods of the security services."

Let's summarise this morass shall we? US administration officials leak the identity of an Al Qaeda mole who was cooperating with British operations in Pakistan and completely blow the operation while, at the same time, deny access to witnesses who might help convict a suspected 9/11 terrorist, claiming they can't expose their sources. Confused?

In light of all this blundering, the foiling of German efforts to convict an Al Qaeda terrorist, the pissing off one of the only allies the US has left and the confused ass-covering, the real question is do you feel safe now?

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Swiftboat Veterans for...Distraction

Seemingly unaware of what the word "truth" means, the vituperous claims about John Kerry by the now infamous Swiftboat Veterans for "Truth" have been so thoroughly discredited one wonders how they manage to insist on remaining in public view.

BHC readers will by now be well aware of this group's purported claims that Kerry lied about his military performance in Vietnam which led to the Navy awarding him five medals. In one particularily unflattering aspersion, Larry Thurlow says that Kerry lied that he was under enemy fire when he recieved the Bronze Star. Well, it seems that military records obtained by the Washington Post clearly indicate that Thurlow also received the same medal for the same day's firefight. Thurlow was a captain of one of five swiftboats conducting a raid up the Bay Hap River. Kerry commanded one of the other boats on the same mission. Thurlow's citation is filled with words like, "enemy small arms and automatic weapons fire" and "enemy bullets flying about him." So, Thurlow's claim would seem to be that while Thurlow is getting shot at by Viet Cong and acting in all manner of valourous ways, Kerry is 30 yards away, sunning himself on a deckchair. Despite the description of bullet holes in the boat hulls, Thurlow still insists that it is all fabricated. Admittedly, this is not entirely unbelievable considering the military's ongoing efforts to fabricate and dissemble about some of the nonsense that has been going on in Iraq, such as blowing up wedding parties and pretending the participants were all terrorists (The BHC, Vol. 25, Forty Funerals And A Wedding).

Among this dubious and waffling collection of yowlers is a one George Elliot. Elliott was Kerry's commander, approved his Silver Star and seemd never to be short of glowing remarks for Kerry's fitness in battle. He defended Kerry's record in the 1996 Senate race. Suddenly last month, he signed an affidavit recanting his previous endorsement. Then he recanted the recanting, calling the affidavit a "terrible mistake." Now, he has recanted the recanted recanting. And to borrow that most favoured term of this election's political lexicon, all this flip-flopping by Thurlow has occurred within the last month.

Of course, the other major players involved in the smear campaign have similar and unassuring histories with their memory of Kerry. Adrian Lonsdale, who in 1996 called Kerry "among the finest of those swift boat drivers," then changed his mind and claimed that Kerry was just a whiner. Blah, blah, blah....

Almost every other member of this group has ties to George Bush and the Republican party and has had them for quite some time. For an excellent accounting of their amazing interconnected web, see the NY Times story, Friendly Fire: The Birth of an Anti-Kerry Ad.

Readers will be wondering, as we at the BHC do, just what purpose is served by the attention grabbing of this collection of Vietnam vet, GOP shills? You have the answer right there. Attention grabbing. By shifting focus onto Kerry and his past, no matter how unfounded the allegations, the media has latched on and run with it, ignoring all else. With the media thusly embroiled, when was the last time you heard any serious discussion about Iraq? or unemployment? or the deficit? or even George Bush's own less-than-illustrious military career?

Exactly.


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Congestive Hart Failure

Can Republicans really stand proud and true to their convictions with the nomination of James Hart to Tennessee's 8th Congressional District district this month? Apparently, the answer is yes. Hart won in a landslide nomination, 7,865 to 2,061.

And just who or, more importantly, what is James Hart? Why, a self-proclaimed racist that's what. Hart's belief in eugenics, that favoured science of Nazi Germany, is front and centre on his camgaign website. According to Hart's thesis, integration of races would have prevented humanity from forever having produced airplanes, cars or even electricity. Forget all that hokum about a War On Drugs or War On Terror or whatever the current War On happens to be. The real War in which the US must engage itself must be a War on Poverty Genes. Biomedical researchers have yet to find such irksome nodes of DNA, but no matter, the fight must begin. In case readers can't quite bring themselves to click on that link, BHC staff have braved the murky, bilious depths and have brought forth a few core samples of the rank, repugnant spewlings:

Unless we stop dysgenic welfare and immigration policies, the US will look like one big Detroit.

Our present tax and welfare system is redistributing life support systems away from the capable to the incapable and thus reducing the genetic quality of future generations.

On and on and on....

Naturally, Hart declares that "eugenics is a moral commitment not a racial affiliation" and morals are what the Republican masses are all about. Perhaps the oddest feature of Hart's argument is his employment of Darwinian evolution in demonstrating the validity of his position. Generally, southern, bible-belt, God-fearing Republicans view evolution as pure fiction and quite likely a tool of the devil. Unless, of course, it can be used as currency to further a racist agenda, in which case its elevation rises to that of sound science.


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Beast of Burden

George Bush has just come out with his justification for heavily weighting his tax cuts to the wealthiest Americans: because if he didn't give them the tax cuts they'd all run off, get themselves slick accountants and dodge the tax anyway which shunts the tax burden onto the middle class:

A lot of the rich are able to get accountants so they're able to dodge.

George Bush is certainly well-situated to know such things. His feigned concern for the middle class and their increased tax burden is, of course, completely fatuous and this is evidenced by the Congressional Budget Office report which found that Bush's tax cuts have done exactly that: "shifted federal tax payments from the richest Americans to a wide swath of middle-class families." Oops.

Republicans naturally bristled at such news claiming that the CBO report is partisan and labelliing it as "the Democrat-requested report." Let's not pay attention to the fact that the CBO works under the auspices of Congress which, right now, is controlled by the Republicans. The clearly partisan request asked for the distribution of the tax cuts among income levels. Now there's a partisan request. Republicans are asserting their own concerns, or lack thereof, by declaring such information Democratic piffle and something which is clearly of no interest to them.

The Republicans have taken yet a further step into a very muddy bog by claiming that facts presented by the highly respected Congressional Budget Office are partisan because of who asked for them.


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Unemployment Doubles, Yipeee!

George Bush was stumping through Iowa a couple of weeks ago and stood up in front of a crowd in Davenport where he proceeded to say, "because we acted, Iowa's unemployment rate now is 4.3 percent." Iowans whooped and hollered about this great news. Four years ago, the unemployment rate was 2.4 percent. Those lazy Iowans clearly want the state completely divested of any gainful employment and George Bush is just the man to do it. Four more years and they might be close.


Zippity-Doo-Da....

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Meanwhile...

The quaint town of Davenport, Ia., was the site of a propitious conjunction of campaigns when the Kerry and Bush tours rolled into town on the same day. Nearly every available police officer was enlisted for security and crowd control at the seperate venues. It also seems Davenport is home to some rather attentive and industrious bank robbers who recognised the situation for what it really meant: free money! Three banks were robbed during the time the campaign speaches were being delivered, demonstrating that some Iowans are already benefitting from the promise-making of the two candidates.


Bonus....

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Turning the Corner

...and running smack into a wall. George Bush says that the US is "turning the corner" economically when, two days later, the Labor Department reported that July showed the weakest job growth yet this year. The Department of Labor also appears to be refining its nascent practice of bullhorning big job growth numbers and then, a month or two later, when no one is looking, revise those numbers downward. In some cases, significantly so. They did this again this month with the reported enormous employment gains in May and June of 347,000 new jobs. Now the number has been "revised" to 283,000. The political capital garnered by Bush from the initial report is not lost and he continues to abuse those numbers as evidence of improving economic conditions, even though there is little evidence of such. Of course, this administration has never needed actual evidence in making its happy claims on other issues. We should not expect the economy to be treated any differently.


Bam!

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Strategery

The NY Times seems to be puzzled about Bush's recent troop shuffling plan which would see some 60,000 to 70,000 troops transferred from Europe and Asia back to the US. The editorial begins:

The troop redeployment plan announced yesterday by President Bush makes little long-term strategic sense. It is certain to strain crucial alliances, increase overall costs and dangerously weaken deterrence on the Korean peninsula at the worst possible moment.

Where has the NY Times been lately? This plan makes perfect long-term strategic sense when one's strategy is to strain crucial alliances, increase costs and weaken deterrence against would-be rogue nations and other na'er-do-wells. This is exactly what Bush has been doing for the last 3 years, ergo, this plan is a brilliant way to further that agenda. Bravo, Bush! for holding fast to that vision of a strained and dangerous future.


Read...

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Policy Revision

President Bush strode forth in Ridley Park, Pa., this week and propounded upon the necessity of his worthless missile defense program. This "defense" system has never been shown to be the slightest bit effective in actually defending against missiles, or anything else for that matter (see the BHC, Vol 17, So Much Safer). In promoting the system, Bush said,

We say to those tyrants who believe they can blackmail America and the free world: 'You fire, we're going to shoot it down.'

Now, just who are these would-be missile-lobbing tyrants? No one knows of course but the existance, or lack, of threats has never been a deterrant to action on Bush's part.

Also curious is that the position taken here seems at odds with Bush's previously held "visionary" pre-emptive strike policy. The BHC might more fully expect him to be arguing,

We say to those tyrants who believe they can blackmail America and the free world: We are coming in and takin' out your missile-lobbin' tyrant ass before you can even think about firing a missile you don't actually have.

Perhaps Bush has grown to realise that he needs to be a little more sensitive about the US stance in the world. That last pre-emptive strike thing hasn't worked out so well.


Read it....

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Screw Loose

The BHC is continually amazed by what is reported in "news" stories in the mainstream and sometimes we stumble upon a sentence in a story so layered and rich in riot, so astoundingly obtuse, one boggles upon its reading. That it accomplishes this all while being utterly facile is surely a demonstration of an art in its highest form. It is the mainstream media at its most refined.

In describing Bush bumbling around inside a Chinook helicopter at the Boeing plant in Ridely Park, Pa., we are offered this folksy, regular-guy detail mixed with a twinge of Ivy League cluelessness:

He climbed inside a Chinook 47 helicopter that was being refitted and, at one point, used a wrench to tighten or loosen a screw.

We here at the BHC are immediately struck by this pointless observation: is Bush actually using a wrench to turn a screw? Or does the reporter not know a screw from a nut? or a screwdriver from a wrench? Lord, who can tell these days? It is quite impossible to determine who the dumb-dumb is here, Bush or the reporter. Now we know Bush has a proven track record which would nominate him as such but, given the state of the mainstream media these days, a shadow of suspicion is also cast upon the reporter. The answer, likely, is both.

And are we to be comforted or alarmed that George Bush, a man barely capable of forming complete sentences, is inside an incredibly complex piece of machinery tightening or, worse, loosening screws? Could the person who will fly the thing be happy about this? Hopefully, Boeing had a crack team of mechanics rapidly deployed and repairing any and all presidentially mangled bits.

Apart from Bush's supernatural ability to turn any wrench into a monkey wrench, the reportage is uncommited in determining what Bush actually did; tighten or loosen? Of course, it is seems quite likely that Bush had no idea whether he tightened or loosened the screw, or nut, either.


Screw or Nut...we report, you decide

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Public Service

BHC readers are quite savvy at finding some choice bonehead stories and passing them along. This little charmer came to us in just such a fashion.

A one Donald Thompson is, and will soon not be, a Creek County, Okla. District Judge. The Smoking Gun presents the petition to remove Thompson from the bench "for conduct constituting an offense involving moral turpitude". Hmmm, and just what might constitute "moral turpitude"? Well, as readers will know, "moral turpitude" is one of those catch-all phrases which might be invoked in describing an enormous spectrum of bad behaviours and poor judgments. But in this case, it describes one very specific behaviour heretofore frowned upon by the judiciary community: whacking off under your judge's robe in the court room while a trial is in progress.

It would seem that Judge Thompson had a penchant for "penis pumps". The Judge enjoyed the use of these devices in the courtroom within the secrecy of the judge's cloak. Sometimes. And sometimes the court reported got to see the penis pump in action. Which points to another detail: he wasn't doing this off-hours. Murder trials were the frequent and apparently preferred venue for Thompson's risque adventures in artificial stimulation.

Lisa Foster is the court reported who claims to have first started hearing noises that "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up," in September of 2000. Numerous other witnesses are cited in the petition, including jurors and police officers, all claiming to have heard "swooshing" sounds during trials.

Needless to say, with all this testimony coming out, Judge Thompson has decide to retire. In his letter of resignation to Gov. Henry, Thompson writes,

"I have greatly enjoyed my public service and offer my gratitude for the public trust reposed in me during the terms I served."


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Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do...

Good thing for Americans mind-suckling teevee shows day in and day out that the Prime Minister of Iraq is not in charge here. Ayad Allawi ordered pan-Arab satellite channel, Al-Jazeera, to be shut down for thirty days claiming that the channel is inciting violence. And we know how calm and happy things would be in Iraq if those shiftless Iraqis would just stop watching teevee all damn day.

In support of this censorship, Allawi cited that Al-Jazeera has "been showing a lot of crimes and criminals on TV." Whoa. Now that is seriously subversive. We have always suspected that if Americans watched enough Cops episodes, it wouldn't be long before the many susceptible to such influence would be running around at night in wife-beaters, drunk, chased by police. If the FCC here ever adopts such a policy, every network in this country will be shut down while Jennings, Brokaw and Rather are frog-marched out of their studios and straight to Gitmo.


Shut it down....

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Don't Be Afraid, Just Ask

As readers may well know by now, the GOP campaign has decided that no one who does not sign a pledge of allegiance to the Bush/Cheney ticket will be allowed into the campaign events around the country. Locals have been variously complaining of this with quips like, "I can't hear my Vice President speak before the election without signing an oath of fealty?" Things like that. Since everyone is well aware of how well Mr. Bush handles tricky questions, or any questions for that matter, there will be no more tricky questions!

During these folksy, salt-of-the-earth GOP events labelled as Ask the President, campaign staffers enjoin the crowd to ask the President questions. A recent Bush event in Hudson, Wisc., shows just how hard-hitting these heartlanders can be:

"THE PRESIDENT: Let me answer some questions right quick."

"AUDIENCE : Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!"

"THE PRESIDENT: You can chant that, or I'll answer questions. (Laughter.) Yes, sir. Sit down, please. First of all, great color shirt. (Laughter.) Go ahead and yell it. If I don't like it, I'll just change the question. (Laughter.)"

"Q On behalf of all -- thank you and God bless you. We're praying for you."

"THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. He said he's praying for me. I appreciate that. Thanks. And, by the way, I appreciate the prayers -- it's an amazing country, where people pray for me. It really is. It's great. Thank you. Go ahead. Do you have a question?"

"Q Well, first of all, is that I agree with this gentleman. I'm glad that we're all praying for you."

"THE PRESIDENT: Thank you."


Whew! He weathered that storm of inquiry well.


The brutal questioning....

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The Rocket's Red Glare

Libraries around the country can count themselves the lucky beneficiaries of several major record companies and distributors when said companies settled a price-fixing lawsuit brought against them in 2000 by the attorneys general of 43 states. The Enoch Pratt Free Library in Baltimore, in particular, received their largesse earlier this month in the form of 104,000 CDs. Among the titles gifted upon the library system were 1,200 copies of Whitney Houston's "The Star-Spangled Banner", no doubt a thoughtful gesture on the part of the price-gouging music industry since Baltimore is the place where that baleful, histrionic tune was composed. Music industry moguls no doubt concluded that Baltimoreans must while away their evening hours on the stoops, hands on hearts, miming the national anthem as Houston's siren voice, along with all the other sirens, wafts alongs breezes in the sultry summer air. The home of the brave, indeed.

The BHC conducted a quick scan of some of the other titles lavished upon the libraries by those kindly member of the RIAA. Let's take a look shall we:

Hmmm...let's see, there are some Gregorian chants by The Mystery of Santo Domingo de Silos. Actually, there are 948 copies of these mesmerising recordings.

What else...? Oh...oh, boy, Baltimore got Celine Dion's Unison, Celine Dion's One Heart, Celine Dion's A New Day Has Come. This is all going to work out so well since, you know, Baltimore loves Celine Dion.

Further along we find...oh dear sweetness and joy...lots of Christmas music. How lucky it is that Christmas is just around the corner. Well, maybe a couple of corners...but it's coming around:

My Kind of Christmas,
A Celebration of Christmas,
A Merry Little Christmas,
Christmas Stays the Same,
Christmas with the Stars,
Christmas is Coming Home,
Christmas at the Biltmore Estate,
Here's Your Christmas Album,
The Gift of Christmas
Christmas Cocktails
The First Noel

The bounty is truly endless.

Hmmm. What else? what else...? Oh, sweet. This is sooo bonus: Wrestlemania: The Album.
Who knew?


Kindly Record Moguls

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