Well, folks, Jack Ryan has been de-assimilated, the CIA is taking the fall for...everything while Bush prepares Americans so that they don't have to worry about that silly ol' 'lection: we won't have one! Florida is at it again, Kenny-boy is getting layed and Emimem is getting his own satellite channel. Will the horrors never cease?

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Ryan's Fancy

Illinois Republican Senator, Jack Ryan's campaign for re-election appears to have suffered a "crippling blow" as The Smoking Gun describes it. Yes, gentle readers, it appears that Jack Ryan had been pressuring his former wife, Jeri "Borg in a Bodysuit" Ryan, to have sex at swinger's clubs in various dens of iniquity and hedonism in places like New York, Paris and New Orleans. Indeed, one such "club", or perhaps dungeon might be a better term, was purported to be furnished with a selection of cages, whips, and "apparatus hanging from the ceiling". Yikes! The Borg apparently refused to be assimilated and divorced the degenerate in 1999.

Now, the BHC wouldn't normally give a rat's ass about some freak's fondness for the basket trick and, as readers might well imagine, there is a bonehead aspect to the story. BHC readers might also well imagine that, since we are talking about a Republican here, a certain hypocrisy would likely be involved. Well, dear readers, you will not be disappointed. Indeed. It seems that Mr. Ryan is quite a strong proponent of "family values". So much so, in fact, that he is adamantly opposed to gay marriage and supports the proposed rancid consititutional amendment to protect marriage against the onslaught of gay people. His campaign website, which is miserably lame, contains this sonorous, heartfelt and incredibly disingenuous passage:

The breakdown of the family over the past 35 years is one of the root causes of some of our society’s most intractable social problems-criminal activity, illegitimacy, and the cyclical nature of poverty.

...my interest will be in promoting laws and educating people about the fundamental importance of the traditional family unit as the nucleus of our society.

Are we to glean from this that the Christian right sees "family values" comprising bondage, S&M and swinging? The BHC conjectures that membership in the Christian Coalition would skyrocket if more people knew this.

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Be Afraid...be very afraid

When the Department of Homeland Security starts issuing warnings about a particular company's products, one might imagine that that particular company would start to rethink what it's doing and how it's doing it. Not when you are the standard of software excellence. As usual, Microsoft just issues a bunch of temporary band-aids to stanch the financial bleeding and prays no one sues them for untold losses resulting from their distributing a piece of crap like Internet Explorer.

US-CERT, a branch of the DHS, indicates that "it is possible to reduce exposure to these vulnerabilities by using a different Web browser", when it is clear that what they really want to say is, use a different Web browser. In what appears as off-handed deference to MS, CERT tries to appease by noting that "using a different browser could reduce the functionality of sites that require IE-specific features". Functionality like sending bank account information to websites in Estonia run by the Russian mob? That kind of functionality? We're guessing Mozilla is a little behind on that feature.

At this point, it seems almost silly to mention the four other security holes in IE that were revealed when someone on Slashdot finally had had enough: "At what point do we need to shift the focus here and start posting slashdot stories when they find some code in IE that actually works?"

Much to the BHC's further consternation and as though this IE nonsense weren't enough of a nightmare, Microsoft plans to enter the search engine realm. That's right, from the company that cannot produce a secure web browser, MS is now scheming to make web searches a nigthmarish security hell as well. As the Washington Post puts it, "Microsoft Corp. plans today to make its much-anticipated foray into the high-stakes battle for computer users searching for information online". Much-anticipated? Yeah, we're all anticipating that, like we would a rectal exam. And just in case, gentle readers, you consider that simile a tad crude and trite, well, you will likely reconsider after Bill Gates tromped out and declared that Microsoft is devising a "substantially improved method for finding information stored on a personal computer". Gentle readers, if that doesn't make your ass twitch, you're not paying attention. What does MS have in mind by "devising a substantially improved method for finding information stored on a personal computer" and what does it have to do with web searching? No one who was really talking about web searches would say it like that. Now, that might just be a reporter misreporting but the BHC is much more inclined to believe that MS clearly feels like conducting a web search should be a pervasive invasion of anyone's pc that might be online. Take Gates' statement as a veiled warning rather than a promise of happy tomorrows.


(we just made up the Russian mob part...but it sounds cool.)

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Florida Redux

In homage to the presidential "election" in 2000, Florida has begun, all over again, purging black voters from voting lists in that state, claiming they are ineligible even though they are perfectly eligible. Some 2100 eligible voters have been placed on purge lists. And, assuming an astonishing stance, the state Division of Elections refused to let anyone copy the list. A Florida judge had to then order the election officials to make the list public and when it was public, analysis revealed the poisonous errors. Secretary of State Glenda Hood dismissed the findings as "inaccurate." Except that they're not. Our shining example of freedom and democracy. The BHC only hopes the Iraqi's never get to see this. What are we saying? Americans shouldn't be seeing this. Oh, that's right: most of them don't.


Read the nonsense....

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CIA MIA

Well, the CIA has been taking a beating for sometime now. Some of it justified, perhaps, some of it likely not. First, The House Intelligence Committee's report of CIA blundering in delivering poor intelligence to the White House, like there isn't enough of that there already, caused considerable uproar, mostly by George Tenet. Then the Senate Intelligence Committee Report came out and said mostly all the same stuff: groupthink, we were wrong, it's all the CIA's fault. Well, this came as a surprise to no one and it, too, generated it's own cauldron of ire, most of it steming from the nascent revelation that a similar such investigation of White House complicity in harvesting desired intelligence will result in a report which will not be delivered until after the election. That's rather convenient for Bush and co., and that, of course, has anyone seeking the truths of the matter fuming. But, chairman, Senator Pat Roberts, more or less shrugged: not enough time, what can we do? Given the results of the reports so far, the BHC really doesn't imagine much coming out of the expected perfunctory non-effort in which the Republican dominated committee will be engaged.

As though these pummelings weren't enough, another story came out and told of a CIA effort to contact family members of Iraqi scientists to glean information about WMD PRA (program related activities). This story, indeed, seems to confirm everything the House and Senate reports have said; the CIA is full of dolts. Relatives told the CIA flat out that all such WMD activity had been abandoned. The CIA, upon hearing such distasteful talk, promptly buried it. Hilariously, a CIA spokesman said the families' statements were "not at all convincing", contained "nothing definitive" and that "no useful information was collected". It would appear that the CIA does not consider the truth to be "useful information." Then again, had they delivered such information the White House, it would expectedly have been ignored, too.


This is not very useful, either....

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Blog Hawk Down

Weekly Standard's Hugh Hewitt has stumbled upon something horrible: the web might possibly be used to spread...lies.

In an insanely out-of-touch article, Hewitt ominously warns:

The web is widely used and relied upon. It would not be hard for intelligence services from around the world to build blogs with an intent to deceive or manipulate, putting out solid content to gain an initial audience before using it to disseminate disinformation intentionally.

First time on that web-thing, eh, Hugh? For confirmation of Hewitt's "theory" the BHC advises he examine the White House website. On it, he will be amazed to read all sorts of adorable and misleading things (the BHC may or may not have supplemented White House statements of "fact"):

- Iraq is a sovereign nation and a damn happy one to boot.
- The world is a safer, terror-free place. Here in the US: safe, safe, safe. Please ignore the elevated threat level warnings, only don't.
- Lots of jobs sprouting up all over the country; Americans can be happier in this knowledge by ignoring that the US economy is still 1.5 million jobs in the red since 2000 and that, on average, the new jobs are paying about 60% of the what the lost jobs were paying. But those are just numbers those hoity-toity, America-hating "economists" toss around trying to make us look bad. Pay no attention.
- The No Child Left Behind Act is working wonders, despite our miserly underfunding of the program.
- Healthcare? Well pardner, that is in just great shape now that we got this new-fangled Medicare program in place, even though we had to lie to Congress to get it through. You know, that Congress just doesn't know what is good for America.


Hugh, you're a little behind the times with your "prediction." Move along, now.


Read it...if you dare.

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Slim Shady Bidness

Surely, there is an FCC regulation about this somewhere! Powell! We'll have your head for this!

Eminem will have his own channel on satellite radio starting this fall, a major provider announced Monday.

Sirius Satellite Radio said it has teamed up with the Detroit-area rapper -- along with his label, Shady Records, and Interscope Records -- to create "a cutting-edge hip-hop music and lifestyle channel."


Dear Lord....

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For Your Protection

...there will be no election. Well, not quite. At least not quite yet. The Bush administration may have hit upon a sure-fire way of remaining entrenched on Pennsylvania Ave: there won't be an election! Hah! No election, no boot! Simple. Yep, the Bushies are preparing to postpone, or perhaps we should say, preparing Americans for the White House's plan to postpone, indefinitely, the federal elections in November. Now, considering the White House record, they very likely had planned on doing this quite sometime ago, probably about the time everything started going to hell.

The federal voting commission is trying to develop a process by which they might conceivably postpone or, even more preferably to the White House, cancel elections altogether. Yes, our champion of "freedom and democracy" who has "made America safer" is seeking to curtail democratic elections in the event of a terrorist attack. Confused? Doesn't matter. The White House doesn't really care about that, although it doesn't hurt. Just be afraid.

Is this really what a federal government, headed by an administration which continuously claims that "America is safer" must consider these days? This is not the kind of discussion which should be tossed around lightly in this country unless, of course, you happen to be involved with George Bush and Co.


Read of the evil...

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Threat Fatigue

It appears that the homeland security committee is starting to notice that no one is paying any attention to those silly threat level colours Tom "Bane of bin Laden" Ridge keeps going on about. Chair of the committee, Republican Christopher Cox, seems steamed about how patently worthless the whole affair is: "make it work better or get rid of it." Amusingly enough, Jim Turner of Texas, the ranking Democrat on the panel, said, "I'm afraid if we don't make improvements in the system, the public's going to lose trust and confidence in that system and won't pay any attention to it anymore."

Newsflash for Mr. Turner: no one's paying attention to it now. The public is not going to "lose trust" in this ridiculous and laughable threat level "system". The public never had trust in the first place. No one takes very seriously, if at all, this colour code nonsense and, indeed even jokes about it when Tom "Scourge of Terror" Ridge comes out with dire warnings of terrorist attacks but cannot actually tell anyone why such a condition is warranted. Does he just have some...icky feeling? What? And believe us, Mr. Turner, the public has lost trust in much more than just the silly threat level inidicator.


Read it....

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Fancy That

In what could possibly be the most convenient "accident" to ever have happened to an incumbent president about to face a highly decorated Vietnam veteran at election time, service shirker and AWOLer, George Bush's military records, sadly, have been destroyed by the Pentagon. Not all of them, mind you. Just a few and some of those pertinent to the period when Bush claimed he was "serving" in Alabama and which surely would have exonerated him from all the unfounded accusations. Yes, that period when no one seems to have any recollection of his smarmy face anywhere; all those crucial records, gone. Poof. This is truly a setback for Bush, who no doubt was looking forward to having these records vindicate his claims and put an end to the unpatriotic allegations of churlish America-haters.


Read of the Bush's loss....

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Do You Take This Man?

The Republican National Committee has launched an immediate campaign to besmirch John Edwards character and paint him as a "disingenuous, ineffective liberal." A rancorous claim indeed, the veracity of which, is highly questionable. Besides, character assassination is the standard MO of the RNC. Inevitably, Cheney/Edwards comparisons will be made. the BHC presents our own side-by-side summary:

Edwards: disingenuous, ineffective liberal

Cheney: Voted against federal funding for abortion, even in cases of rape or incest.
Cheney: Voted against funding for Head Start,
Cheney: Voted against subsidizing school lunches for poor children,
Cheney: Voted against aid to college students
Cheney: Voted against the Older Americans Act, a services program for the elderly

So, according RNC agitprop, being a disingenuous, ineffective liberal is bad. And they mean really bad. A genuine, effective prick is what America needs.


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Lay to Rest

The third installment of a series of three arrests of former Enron executives occurred when Kenny-boy Lay was charged with 11 counts of securities fraud, wire fraud, and false and misleading statements in a 65 page indictment. Despite the horrifying White House induced frenzy of alarmist terror threat, unconvincing congressional reports, and dire warnings about cancelling elections, Lay's arrest and indictment comes as blessed relief and confirmation that at least one thing right is happening.

Lay, doubtless ratted out by his other partners in crime, fellow indictees, Fastow and Skilling, eeriely echoed George Bush when he plead not guilty, claiming ignorance. Now, the BHC is all about justice and rule of law. And that means innocent until proven guilty. Hey, Ken! Enjoy the cell.


The perp walks....

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Pro Life

Just to burn a little of the Republican ethos into our readers brains, the BHC would like to present senatorial candidate, Tom Coburn. Tom is campaigning to become the GOP candidate to replace retiring Senator Don Nickles. On his campaign trail, Tom says things like: "I favor the death penalty for abortionists and other people who take life."

Not to be outdone by his fellow, flame-throwing Republican, Bob Anthony also claims to be "a pro-life candidate who also supports the death penalty". The unity of outlook is truly Republicans' strong point. Logic?...not so much.


Read it here...

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The End is Nigh

Right-wing battle-axe Maggie Gallagher, president of the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, recently offered her cogent argument against gay marriage and contends that "when mothers and fathers don't get and stay married," America spirals into a frightening vortex of societal ills.

"Bad things happen to more kids more often: more poverty, welfare dependence, child abuse, sexual abuse, substance abuse, physical illness, infant mortality, accidental death, homicide, premature and promiscuous sexuality, early unwed pregnancy, suicide, juvenile delinquency, educational failure, conduct disorders and adult criminality. Children suffer and whole communities pay the cost in crime, social disorder and high taxes as government steps in to deal with the needs created when families fall apart."

That's a fairly damning list of ills stemming from failed heterosexual marriages. What, exactly, do all these ills have to do with gays? They're not the ones producing these misbegotten waifs. Gallagher's litany of ills are the direct result of heterosexuals' poor behaviour. If anything, gays wind up adopting and nuturing some of these forlorn creatures and have nothing to do with creating many, if any, of them. In reading this passage, you might be inclined to believe that Gallagher is chastising heterosexual couples for their obvious lack of respect and commitment to marriage. It certainly does not appear to have much to do with gays. But, of course, that is exactly where she goes: child abuse, drug use and suicide, oh my, stemming from fractured heterosexual marriages obviously means we must keep gay people from getting married. Got that? If readers have trouble following this logic, we refer you to the previous item and Republican views on the death penalty as it relates to the "pro-life" stance.


Read the insipid woman's mewlings....

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Tsunami Kobayashi

Some happy lunacy to finish the edition this week, folks. Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi crushed his competitors at Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest, July 4. In doing so, he broke his own previous world record and scarfed 53 1/2 weiners. He did this in twelve minutes. In doing so, Kobayashi eclipsed his nearest competitor's total by some 15 dogs. Hardly a big man at 5-7, 132lbs, with this feat, he managed to consume close to 5% of his own body weight in snouts, ears and assorted nitrates. That can't be good for you.


Extra, extra, read all about it....

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and there is still so much more.