Well, folks, there have been a number of events piling up in the BHC archives and it's now time to let 'em out. The US military extends its bombs for weddings program, Powell is coming clean and Condi Rice, is this advice? Wolfowitz is cornered and bears some dull teeth, Zinni is out with, ahh, you guessed it, another book telling all about what buffoons Bush and company are, Sanchez is gone, something he is likely thankful for, Hummer sales are dropping like hanged men, and, of course, Halliburton makes another stellar appearance.

------------------------------------
Forty Funerals And A Wedding

When reports began drifting in that US forces (no, we're not writing The Coalition of the Willing anymore) had bombed a wedding party and killed some 40 innocent civilians in the Iraqi village of Makr el-Deeb, dismay and horror were the general reactions of most who heard the news. But such a dreadful act is not unprecedented for the US military, which had previously strafed a wedding party in Afghanistan (see The BHC Vol. 4, Regretfully Yours). So, while it was gut-wrenching and awful, it was not, alas, entirely unsurprising. Whoa, nelly! Let's not be naive, demanded Major-General James Mattis, commander of the 1st Marine Division, "These were more than two dozen military-age males." Apparently the General sees any gathering of muslim males surely as terrorism incarnate: something to be snuffed out with all due haste. US officers also insisted that, despite claims of witnesses, no children were involved in the slaughter and that, in fact, the target was a terrorist "rat hole" filled with money, passports, sundry weaponry and no sign of a wedding: "There was no evidence of a wedding: no decorations, no musical instruments found, no large quantities of food or leftover servings one would expect from a wedding celebration," Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt said Saturday. "There may have been some kind of celebration. Bad people have celebrations, too." (think US MP's high-fiving over a pile of naked Arabs, yeeha!)

So, the military is adamant that this was no wedding party. They claimed that they had people on the ground, searching the area and found nothing to support the claims of the so-called witnesses. Ok, fair enough. We want to believe that, don't we? They sent people in, confirmed that the strike had killed a bunch of baddies. Good job. Kimmet and Mattis pat each other on the back: whew, averted that PR disaster. Only they didn't. A videotape has now appeared which completely verifies everything witnesses had claimed: wedding party, mothers, fathers, children, music, fun. Associated Press Television News obtained the video on Sunday which shows the wedding party. The cameraman hired to film the festivities is one of the dead. A well-known, popular singer from Bagdad appeared in the video: dead. Footage showed the bodies of dead women and children, shredded tents and musical instruments. The video more than confirms that people brought to the local hospital, either dead or wounded, were those at the celebration. In face of this evidence, a senior coalition military officer said, "we still don't believe there was a wedding going on" and that intelligence showed that only legitimate targets were attacked. Well, since we're all well aware of the veracity of US intelligence in Iraq, this comes as little comfort to anyone paying attention.

The BHC imagines an exchange between the two generals:

Kimmitt: I thought you said the story was...established?
Mattis: I did! Videotape? Lord love a duck, these people don't have a pot to piss in, what in hell are they doing with a video camera?!
Kimmitt: We're fried. Fried!
Mattis: No, we're not fried.
Kimmitt: How is that at all possible?
Mattis: Uh, helloooo. Who's President?
Kimmitt: Oh, oh yeah....heh, heh, heh. What was I thinking?
Mattis: Right. He doesn't give a rat's ass and with all the other crap going on, this is going to blow over in no time.

And verily, they speaketh the truth. And this is really all it will be for the two generals: a PR wedgie. Not only did this story barely flutter the US press, it seems to have evaporated with nary a shrug from most Americans.

Facing an unruly chaos which appears determined to remain so, the statements being issued by military officials in Iraq are descriptions of conditions within some unknown parallel universe, the laws of which we do not fully comprehend: a video of a wedding which is not a wedding, pictures of musical instruments that do not exist, 14 dead children are not dead and not even children. But, at the end of it all, no matter the truth, no matter the mendacious, illusory claims, no matter the deaths of innocents, Major-General James Mattis, says, with flinty resolve, "I have not seen the pictures but bad things happen in wars. I don't have to apologise for the conduct of my men."

Winning the hearts and minds of Iraqis...until there is a bullet in each and everyone of them.

------------------------------------
Coughing Up Hairballs

It seems well-established that Colin Powell will be resigning his post as Secretary of State at the end of this presidential term, which will hopefully coincide with the end of Bush's turn in office. Given that, Powell has been stepping forth lately and coughing up all kinds of things which merely confirm that his is outta there. Despite the lying of undersecretary of defense for intelligence, Stephen Cambone, to the Senate Armed Services Committee that Red Cross reports did not reach the secretary level, Powell condradictorily stated, on the record, that Bush was fully informed by he, Rice and Rumsfeld about the prisoner abuses being reported in Iraq and Afghanistan. He also stated that the CIA was "misled" about WMD, and that he regrets citing all the crap "evidence" he did at his universally ridiculed UN presentation. This, sadly, is not much of an admission, since the misleading was being performed by a single engineer linked to the Iraqi National Congress, the party headed by Ahmed Chalabi, the man paid by the Pentagon to provide all this "intelligence." Powell has long been questioned about his loyalty to Bush. He has also long been regarded as the only rational statesman in the administration, often being hounded about why he tagged along with the White House's drive to Iraq when he was the sole administration voice calling for caution and diplomacy. He also looks drained, beat-up and just plain worn out. Pack it in Powell. And start writing that book.

------------------------------------
Uhh, Sorry

Apparently unable to recognise the enormous volume of damning, real news about Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse rattling through the newswires, The Boston Globe saw fit to publish fake photographs of US soldiers raping Iraqi women. The usually well-respected news outlet was forced to aplogise for this "oversight." The BHC noticed this story, not on the Globe's website but while browsing the Guardian. Come on guys, is this really necessary? You're just dousing yourselves with "liberal media" gasoline while people like Rush Limbaugh are lining up to light the match.

------------------------------------
Some Concern

With the incongruous behaviour of the Israeli government in proposing to pull out of Gaza and, at the same time, begin a demolition program of Palestinian homes there, Secretary of State Colin Powell said that Washington opposed "wholesale bulldozing of houses" in Rafah. This apparently isn't enough to make Sharon change course. Despite international opposition, despite the demands of Israeli groups and despite majority Israeli opinion, Sharon continues the occupation, elevates aggression against Palestinian refugees, and insists on escalating the violence there, all the while prosposing a withdrawl. This is truly madness. Most Israelis now view any casualties sustained there as self-inflicted wounds and demand that Sharon get out of Gaza.

With all this mayhem, our marvelous National Security Advisor, Condi Rice sallies forth and offers Israeli officials the admonition that "some of their actions don't create the best atmosphere." Tough talk for tough times.


Read the mewling..."

------------------------------------
Wolfowitless

In an appearance before the Senate Armed Services Committee last week, Deputy Secretary of Defense, Paul Wolfowitz, the man generally consider the "architect" of the invasion of Iraq, was told by Russ Feingold (D-Wis.) that senators had asked before the war about plans for securing weapons of mass destruction and dealing with a possible negative response from the Iraqi people.

Said Feingold, "I, frankly, feel we were never given real answers to that, and I have a feeling that it's because there wasn't a serious plan, and I think at this point we're paying a serious price for it," Feingold said.

Wolfowitz responded that "there was a serious plan. A lot of thought went into it. It may not have been perfect, but there was a lot of work done on it."

It may not have been perfect. No shit, Sherlock. And, by the way, where is this "plan"? Why is Wolfowitz not being asked to produce this plan? Is it a super-secret plan? Did the Pentagon come up with a plan but not write it down anywhere? Or did they all have to tear it up and eat the pieces before they left the super-secret meeting where they wrote down this super-secret plan? If it is super-secret, why is it? because it clearly sucks and is of absolutely no use to anyone.


Read the nonsense....

------------------------------------
One of those "ini" words

Gen. Anthony Zinni (Ret.), former head of U.S. Central Command, a 39-year Marine veteran, was the Bush administration's Middle East special envoy, directed strikes against Iraq and al-Qaida, and led U.S. troops in Somalia and Vietnam. An impressive military resume any casual observer would not be disinclined to admit; one which, in normative times, would garner a certain respect. But not in these times and not in this White House. Zinni was not reappointed to his post as Middle East envoy last year after expressing criticisms of Bush foreign policy, saying publicly that Bush had far more pressing foreign policy priorities than Iraq and suggesting the aftermath of the Iraq war would be prolonged and complicated. Hmmm, that's a fairly prescient assessment of things. Can't have any of that in the White House. Now the White House is dismissing this by claiming that Zinni is "only" a retired general: what the hell does he know? despite predictions which would indicate that he knows a lot.

Zinni has a new book out, Battle Ready, a title which, after reading the passage below, a reader might easily conclude is rather facetious. Here is the kind of thing readers can expect to find inside the pages:

In the lead-up to the Iraq war and its later conduct, I saw, at a minimum, true dereliction, negligence, and irresponsibility; at worst, lying, incompetence and corruption. False rationales as a justification; a flawed strategy; lack of planning; the unnecessary alienation of our allies; the underestimation of the task; the unnecessary distraction from real threats; and the unbearable strain dumped on our overstretched military, all of these caused me to speak out. I did it before the war as a caution, and as an attempt to voice concern over situations I knew would be dangers, where the outcomes would likely mean real harm to our nation's interests. I was called a traitor and turncoat by Pentagon officials. The personal attacks are painful … but the photos of the casualties I see every day in the papers and on TV convince me not to shrink from the obligation to speak the truth.

Nail 'em General!

------------------------------------
Who Wants This Job?

Well, folks, it looks like General "Ricky" Sanchez is getting the boot for his bungling complicity in the Abu Ghraib situation. It appears the Bush plans to appoint some newer, higher-ranking commander for Iraq. Of course, the real problem Bush has is finding a higher-ranking commander who also won't criticise the party line; a difficult task these days. On top of that, who in God's name would want that thankless, miserable job? At this point, the best any commander can hope for is to get out of there with all fingers and toes. Good luck.

Read about it....

------------------------------------
Halliburton Hurtin'

Oh, gentle readers, our good friends at Halliburton continue to provide hours of entertainment, all the while screwing US taxpayers out of millions. The latest ill-conceived scam has drivers driving around the Iraqi desert in empty trucks and charging this against their lucrative Pentagon contracts. Of course, this might seem like typical Halliburton swindling but, in fact, has a much more dangerous element since the trucks are traversing a war zone where drivers are routinely shot at and dodge bricks and homemade bombs. Many drivers have been injured while driving empty trucks. Kellog, Brown & Root, that lovable Halliburton subsidiary, has been paid some $327 million for "theater transportation" of war materials, etc. with some drivers claiming that one third of trucks in convoys were carrying nothing but "sailboat fuel."

Naturally, KBR spokeswoman Cathy Gista says, "KBR is proud of the work we do for the military in Iraq." And we all are proud of you, too, Cathy. Keep up the great scam.


Read about these sleazeballs...again.

------------------------------------
Hummer Bummer

With gas prices seeing a steady rise, it seems Americans are finally waking up to the fact that those heady, motoring-filled days provided by gobs of cheap oil are vestiges of an erstwhile era. Now, this is not to say that the US and Opec won't wrestle the price back down again, but, honestly, any such effort is mere pretense. Perhaps this fact is now finally dawning on motorists in the US because, after initially coming on the market to the delight of suburban masses, sales of the flagship Hummer H2 have fallen for eight consecutive months, and 24 percent in the first four months of the year. This is the first corrective sign that there is any recognition on our part that, indeed, the world's oil reserves are in a precarious situation. Whether, as a motorist, you are aware of the Hubbert Peak or not, the fact that most of the world's oil exists beneath the most hotly contested, politically unstable regions on the planet should be enough to make anyone seriously doubt the long term viability of an oil-based economy.

Unfortunately, Americans chose a bizarre detour from the path of petroleum sobriety this past decade in ramping up consumption of large, gas-hungry vehicles which the auto industry was more than happy to feed. Indeed, the auto industry is likely mostly responsible for the imprudent, reckless demand as they actively promoted their 3 ton SUVs as the surest way to a happy, healthy family life, and death to all those in your God-given path. Americans mindlessly bought into this irrational rationale and now, suddenly, are trying to dump these ridiculous vehicles as the price of gas goes up and up.

Gas prices across the country have hit record highs, in some places well over $2 a gallon, but 10 year Hummer dealer, Mr. Lynch, seems to still not get it: "I don't know what it is."

(And just imagine how odd it is must be to say that you sell Hummers for a living. Big ones.)


Read it....

------------------------------------
One Hundred Days Later

Exactly one hundred days after being convicted and sentenced for second-degree manslaughter and reckless driving, former South Dakota governor, Bill Janklow, walked out of jail, a free man. And, if he complies with the rest of the terms of his sentence, a criminal-record free one, as well. BHC readers will recall that Janklow killed motorcyclist Randolph Scott when Janklow ran a stop sign, something he admitted doing quite regularly and with a great relish. An hometown jury convicted the scofflaw but had no control over the sentencing, which was clearly nothing more than a minor inconvenience for Janklow. When you're the former governor, the sweetheart deals just never stop coming.

Minnehaha County Sheriff Mike Milstead said Janklow was given no special treatment during his incarceration. Such a fatuous claim clearly ignores that fact that such convictions generally carry a prison term of 2-5 years and no one who is not an ex-governor would ever receive some cush deal whereby a criminal record is expunged because they complied with sentencing. The BHC likely does not need to point out the absurdity of a convicted murderer (yes, manslaughter is 3rd degree murder) walking free after a few weeks in jail while this country's draconian drug laws regularly lock up for years, people who might be caught carrying a couple of joints.


A travesty of justice...

------------------------------------
Strong and Free

The founder of Strong Capital Management, Richard Strong, agreed to pay $60 million fine and will be free of ever being involved with the financial industry again. Whew, what a relief that must be.

Strong was ensnared in New York attorney general, Eliot Spitzer's ongoing investigation into mutual fund trading shenanigans by a number of large fund management companies. The irony of all this is that, with a personal weath estimated to be about $800 million, Strong was nabbed in shady dealings which netted him only about $1.8 mil. Now, first off, why? and secondly...what a nimrod.


Read it....

------------------------------------

Do yourselves all a favour, go see Shrek2....hilarious. A pleasant break from the horrors of the day.