US Forces have a newly defined mission and a much simpler one at that, while they also are being annoyed by pesky media types who insist on reporting the casualities of war. Rice has to run around again flapping about another freaking book which says the same things all the other ones have said, Ashcroft gets off easy, and Rumsfeld needs some lessons in media savy. Get your small bush package, folks! Right this way...


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New Mission

In a seemingly abrupt and unstudied statement by US forces' commander in Iraq, Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, the paths of military and "diplomatic" efforts in Iraq have apparently made a rather sharp turn from the usual line of delivering "freedom and democracy" to Iraqis. According to Gen. Sanchez, the focus has narrowed somewhat:

"The mission of US forces is to kill or capture Moqtada al-Sadr."

A simple mission and one which Gen. Sanchez can more easily wrap his outsized head around. The BHC wonders whether the White House, any of the Coalition of the Willing, or the Iraqi Governing Council are aware of the policy shift.


Read about the new policy....

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Change the Channel

The US military is very upset with Arab media outlet, Al Jazeera. It seems their coverage of the recent fighting in and around Fallujah has been intent on showing the effects of US military strikes on the civilian population. A spokesman for the network says that "the western press reports that rockets were launched. We report where they land." The head of US Central Command, General John Abizaid, has advised viewers of the "anti-coalition media" to change the channel. While we all might be bemused by such advice, it is considerably better than US forces' previous effort at curbing bad publicity, which was to shut down Moqtada al-Sadr's newspaper; the ill-advised action which initially fomented the uprising in Fallujah some three weeks ago.

Now, this sort of bickering is not unusual in military conflicts; rarely does any military force want "colateral damage" publicized, especially when the operations are being advertised as "extraordinarily precise" and...oh, what's the other one? Oh yeah, "humane." Well, Abizaid will now need to start railing against the BBC, which has published a rather shocking story about US forces shooting at ambulances which have been trying to evacuate wounded from the area in and around Fallujah. Defensively, the indubitable Lt. Gen. "Ricky" Ricardo Sanchez says, "if we're shooting vehicles, it's because those vehicles have shot at us". The BHC might extrapolate this defense as a demonstration that all the 10,000 dead Iraqi civilians so far, had, at some point, taken a pot shot at Americans. Ok, maybe not.


Al Jazeera says screw off....

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Slashcroft

John Ashcroft appeared before the 9/11 commission and more or less echoed everything the rest of the White House dunderheads have said: no one told me to do anything. He did go one step further: no one told me to do anything and it was all Clinton's fault. This was something the rest of them likely wanted to say but thought the better of. Thinking better is clearly not one of Ashcroft's top priorities, either.

As indicated, none of Bush's cabal has come forth and made any strong claims that Clinton was to blame for 9/11, until John Ashcroft that is. This has suprised us a bit at the BHC, but when the evidence was presented after Ashcroft's claim, we soon saw why. There was really too much evidence to indicate that Clinton and his staff, indeed, had done quite a bit, though obviously not nearly enough. But that must be tempered with consideration of how he was hampered by the "wag the dog" yowlings of the Republican-controlled Congress while they were trouncing him during the Lewinsky debacle. In fact, several of Clinton's security staff, Richard Clarke being one of them, had briefed the new administration quite thoroughly on the status of things. Richard Clarke submitted his report to Rice within days of Bush's inauguration.

Clearly, the rest of the White House chose not to raise the "blame Clinton" flag. This alone should be indicative that Ashcroft is the most thoroughly disconnected of all the White House principals. Indeed, a draft report by the 9/11 commission has portrayed Ashcroft as completely uninterested in counterterrorism. The Justice Department claimed that the report was "unfair to him". Tough shit. Former acting FBI director, Thomas Pickard, was told by Ashcroft that he didn't want to hear about terrorism. Ashcroft said, "I never said I didn't want to hear about counterterrorism." Somebody is lying. Hmmm, who would it be...? The FBI's counterterrorism deputy, Dale Watson, "fell off his chair" when none of Ashcroft's top five priorities, prior to 9/11, was counterterrorism. He said he increased counterterrorism funding when, in fact, he denied it. The worst of all this: the commission sat there, stone-faced, and did not question any of his mendacious claims.

We all are well aware that Ashcroft's main focus prior to 9/11 was the insertion of God into government, something which he surely believes would have protected us all had he been successful. No doubt, he continues in his crusade to rid government of godless heathens bent on seperation of church and state.


Read this...

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What Mistakes?

It is no wonder Bush avoids televised press conferences like the plague. He looks terrible. He has no answers for anything. He grins and smirks inappropriately. He stumbles and stutters and shuffles at odd moments. And, of course, he utters incomprehensible noises which, apparently, are suppose to pass for sentences. The networks broadcast this thoughtlessness across the nation. How in God's name did 50 million people vote for this guy? When Bush stood in front of the White House press corps, he was asked if he had learned any lessons lately. He stuttered and mumbled and fidgeted for awhile and then said, "I'm sure something will pop into my head ...."

Well, we're still waiting....


Read it if you must but you won't like it....

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The Dismal Science

As self-appointed watchdogs of mainstream media, the BHC found this little nuggest rather odd. A story in the newspaper of record, The New York Times, reports the latest Labor Department job statistics.

New claims for unemployment benefits increased last week by 30,000, the biggest jump in 16 months

The Labor Department reported that there were 360,000 newly unemployed workers...

OK, so far so good. We then get this 3 paragraphs down:

Even with the increase, jobless claims remained below 350,000...


But, but... Does the NY Times believe that 360,000 is < 350,000 or is this just more of that inscrutible economic talk?

Even more weirdly, this report falls on the heels of the Labor Department jobs report for the month of March wherein it was claimed that some 308,000 new jobs had been created. So, we have an apparent situation where 308,000 new jobs blossomed and 30,000 new unemployment claims were made.

Read and scratch....

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Rummy Dum Dum

fungible
adj:(law) of goods or commodities; freely exchangeable for or replaceable by another of like nature or kind in the satisfaction of an obligation

While the White House tries to keep George Bush's press conference appearances to a minimum, indeed, he has given fewer of these than any president in recent memory, they should consider doing the same for Donald Rumsfeld. The Donald rarely appears anywhere without saying something freakishly twisted. A recent appearance saw this exchange:

QUESTION: Mr. Secretary, can I ask you about your opening statement? You said that the challenge in Fallujah is being contained and that the situation in the South is largely stabilized. and I wonder if that is the case, why, then is it necessary to keep extra troops in Iraq for 90 days?

RUMSFELD: Well, it is -- the reason it is contained is because we have the extra troops there. That is self-evident. Come on, people are fungible. You can have them here or there.

Ignoring the "self-evident" fact that the "answer" does not seem to answer the question at all, that Rummy chooses to call people, his people, fungible is really quite tone deaf and, of no surprise to the BHC, raised the hackles of countless servicemen and women across the country and especially those poor fungible buggers who've been shuffling around the Iraqi desert in flak jackets and 100+ degree heat for a year while getting shot at by a population that is growing to really resent their presence. They are very likely wishing some other "commodity of like nature" would get fungible with them so they can get the hell out of there.


Read it....

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Rum Rum Away

Ah yes, Rummy makes the double whammy appearance this week, folks. There have been mutterings heard in the winds that the Pentagon is considering reinstating the draft. Well, they might be thinking about it, seeing how strapped they are for troops in the middle east and elsewhere, but they will deny, deny, deny six months before the election. Conscription would be the certain end to Bush's reign of terror. In a categorical denial that a draft is being considered, The Donald had to come forth, allay fears and comfort the American public, as if a talking Donald Rumsfeld comforts anyone:

"I don't know anyone in the executive branch of the government who believes it would be appropriate or necessary to reinstitute the draft,"...

The BHC has imagined having a chance to inject Rummy with a large volume of sodium pentothal and then ask him to continue that statement. We then imagine that the sweet, inhibition-reducing relief provided by the drug would produce a statement which might go something like this:

I don't know anyone in the executive branch of the government who believes it would be appropriate or necessary to reinstitute the draft because we are all basically shitting our pants every other week as some damn new book comes out lambasting us for our collective, bungling incompetence, or more soldiers are killed or lord knows what. But for us to reinstate the draft six months before the election would be political suicide, so we certainly don't see a need for it despite the spiralling chaos in Iraq which our under-gunned forces are clearly incapable of controlling and despite the fact that every major military leader, active or retired, has publicly stated that a larger force is needed there. And, oh yeah, did I mention that we'll be greeted with flowers, candy and kisses? Yeah, keep looking for that.


Read it, be comforted....

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Rice Poll

Rice: U.S. Bracing for Terror Before Polls

"I think that we do have to take very seriously the thought that the terrorists might have learned, we hope, the wrong lesson from Spain," said Rice in a Fox News interview.

Well, you know that's God's Truth.

"I think we also have to take seriously that they might try during the cycle leading up to the election to do something," she said.

"We are actively looking at that possibility, actively trying to see - to make certain that we are responding appropriately," she said.

Why now? There is certainly far less indication of terrorist attacks now than in the summer of 2001. Then, Bush, Rice, et al. ignored the mounting "threat reporting" in favour of doing nothing. "Nothing specific" was their mantra. What can we do? No date! No time! No one told us to do anything! Whaaaaaa! Now, with no increased level of threat reporting, suddenly they show concern. And wait just a minute! We have been told time and time again that the efforts of the White House since 9/11 have made us safer, by God! The terrorists are on the run, they said. What happened to all that bellicose blathering? Was that all...a lie? "Responding appropriately" is nothing the White House has ever bothered with before, so why now? Why? Read the headline again, folks. Polls, that's why.


Read the silly bunt...

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Simply Right

Condolezza Rice had to march out onto the talk show circuit again and deny more claims by yet another book that Bush was focused on Iraq long before any presentation to or discussion with the UN Security Council. How many more times does this need to happen before she will just shut up? How many more books are going to circulate through the White House, get published and then attacked? The White House knew this was going on. In fact, Woodward claims to have had hours of interviews with Bush. Many more hours, it would seem, than Richard Clarke ever got. The book, Bob Woodward's "Plan of Attack", was apparently written with an amazing level of access to White House staff. And now Condi has come out and say it's all lies. Is anyone else getting tired of this? If anyone is, it must be her.


Lies, lies, all lies....

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Pull Out? Hah!

Not only is the Coalition of the Willing coming unhinged as Spain, Honduras, Dominica pull troops from Iraq (with Poland still considering it), the Coalition of the Profiteering is starting to show some cracks as things grow increasingly unstable. German engineering firm, Siemens AG, has completely pulled out while Bechtel and General Electric have suspended operations in some areas. Thank heavens for stalwart Halliburton and its subsidiary KBR, as they have no plans to pull out no matter how insane things get there. The stand of Halliburton should make us all proud:

"KBR is resolved to continue support of the U.S. troops and to fulfill all contract obligations and move forward with the logistical support to troops, the reconstruction effort and assisting the Iraqi people rebuild the country's oil infrastructure."

Now, the BHC is going run this little chewable through the translator and see what pops out:

Pull out? Are you mad? We don't really care about our employees risking life and limb here since we making millions and bilking our way to a happy share price and an even better retirement. Unless, of course, some mad suicide bomber takes us out but then, well, we don't want to think about that.


Read it....

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Broken Bond

Indicted former Enron CEO, Jeffrey K. Skilling, broke several terms of his release on $5 million bond by "drinking inordinately," allegedly attempting to remove a car license plate, and getting into a fight in Manhattan April 9.

Apparently, Enron Task Force prosecutors wrote this without the slightest tinge of irony:

"Bail is an issue of trust between the defendant, the Court, and the Court's Pretrial Services office,"

Jeffrey Skilling, Enron CEO, failed a trust. Shocking.


Read it....

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Creamy or Crunchy?

It seems some brash and desperate sixth-grader in South Orange, NJ, threatened a highly allergic teacher with...peanut butter cookies. The young and misunderstood malcontent was suspended. We here at the BHC have a new jingle in mind:

Have a-nother nutter butter peanut butter choking death cookie.


Don't believe it? Read on....

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Small Bush Package

Well, folks, after all the horror and mayhem of the last couple of weeks, we here at the BHC intend to provide you some small amusement to finish off this edition. How we stumbled upon this site is lost in the mists of time but, nonetheless, it will surely provide hours of entertainment. Yes, VictoryStore.com is the online provider of all your needed Republican products and gifts. No need to go to those noisy, annoying NASCAR events to find the GOP gifts that keep on giving. As the title of this item says, you too can order up your own "Small Bush Package." And don't miss the George Bush talking doll which comes with a complete library of malapropisms, malformed and incomplete sentences, stutters and guffaws and all uttered with that folksy down-home, good ol' boy charm we've grown to love. Amuse your friends and neighbors for, well, a few minutes anyway.


Really, we are not making this up....

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small bush package...heh heh heh...