With a tip of the hat to David Letterman, host of the CBS TV program that bears his name, here is my list of the top ten reasons President George W. Bush should be fired:

1. He thinks the office of the presidency is a Christmas gift from “Daddy Bush.”

2. He believes Halliburton is a cod fish caught off the coast of Maine.

3. He thinks Sen. Tom Daschle is one of Santa Claus’ reindeers.

4. He lets the “Mother of All Neocons,” the odious Richard Perle, secretly write all his warmongering, Arab-bashing speeches.

5. He has started signing all official documents as “George II.”

6. He hides the fact that V.P. Dick Cheney is a twin of Sen. Joe Lieberman.

7. He requested Attorney General John Ashcroft’s confidential files on the entire cast of the John Waters’ inspired Broadway show, “Hair Spray.”

8. He thinks Israel’s Ariel “Bloody” Sharon is as innocent a character as the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

9. He wants to move the Nation’s capital to Crawford, Texas.

And, finally, the No. 10 reason, President George W. Bush should be fired is:

Every few months, he lets his dog Barney run the country!


© William Hughes 2003

William Hughes is the author of “Saying ‘No’ to the War Party” (Iuniverse, Inc.). He can be reached at: liamhughes-AT-mindspring.com.