Seems the Mobile Exploitation Team Alpha, (META) is claiming to - at last! be hot on the trail of some REAL HONEST TO GOD WMDs. The META is, essentially a couple vans that have been frantically driving around Iraq trying to dig evidence of WMDs, and, also, trying to ditch the reporters who keep following them. Their efforts have escalated in the past week or two as they race to spare Bush and Blair from embarrassment (at the least) and/or impeachment (at the worst) for having whipped up a bogus case against Iraq. Now, just as the Labor Party is starting to scream fraud at Tony Blair and Bush is hiding out at his phony ranch waiting for Vicki Clarke and Donny Rumsfeld to figure out a way to "fix it up," META has suddenly claimed to have found an "Iraqi scientist" who not only has produced "evidence" of WMDs, he has these great explanations for why they haven't showed up before now. We can just imagine what sort of interchange a reporter might have had with the META spokesperson on the scene...our "reporter's" comments in italics:

So this guy has told you why haven't you found any WMDs yet?

Oh, yes! See, as it turns out, we haven't been able to find any WMDs because at the VERY LAST MOMENT, when Saddam knew invasion and overthrown were imminent, he had them ditched.

Ditched...you mean instead of using them like he was supposed to, being an Evil Satanic Terrorist?

Oh, well, that was just to confuse us, I guess..you know, piss us off.

So who is this scientist guy?

Well, ya see, we can't tell you.

Really? Why not?

Well, because we're afraid of repercussions.

Like what? The regime is gone, I thought?

Well...but, you know...repercusssions.

So who did he work for? Saddam?

Uhm...that's sort of secret too, but somewhere in Saddam's weapons program.

How did he come by this stuff if Saddam had it ditched?

Oh, that's easy...he buried it...for safe keeping. But we know it's the real stuff, because Vicki Clarke said it has to be.

I see...So, if all this stuff was here until right before the troops got to Baghdad, how come the weapons inspectors never found it?

Oh, uh...well, you see, we can explain that now. Seems Saddam started this special program...the stuff is all invisible. Nobody can see it.

No one can see it?

That's right! That's why they couldn't find it.

Oh, magic weapons, then?

Something like that. Oh yeah - and we're supposed to tell you...the guy said that the rest of the stuff was all shipped to Syria.

I see...so that means Syria is harboring WMDs....not only that but invisible WMDS. .. So that'll make it impossible to find them, too, won't it?

That's right. We're just gonna have to take Mr. Bush's word for it.

Hmmm...OK. so can this scientist be interviewed?

Well, uhm, no....er, but we can let you SEE him, sort of, at least from a distance....he's that guy over there in the baseball The one pointing to the ground there marked with a big X.

What is that supposed to mean?

Oh, he wants you to see that that's where the invisible stuff is buried

What stuff, exactly?

Well, the stuff, you know, that they make WMDs from.

That covers a lot of possibilities...can't you at least give me a hint as to what it is you think you have found?

Well, uhm, no...But we're working on that. Give us about a week..

Hey, isn't that box those soldiers over there are unloading from that helicopter marked DuPont?

What box? I don't see a box.

The one they are taking off that helicopter that just flew in from Kuwait!

What helicopter?

That one there, marked U.S. Army

Er..I hope you don't plan to write anything about that.

I, uh..guess not. But could you just give me a hint as to what the scientist guy has buried there?

Well, just say it's stuff that can maybe get mixed with other stuff and could be turned into really bad stuff.

I see....So, how did you find this man?

Why, we got a really reliable tip and were led to him...it was really a lucky break.

Ah --sort of like the lucky breaks that happened when people were tipped off and led to Jessica Lynch, and those seven POWs?

Yeah, just like that.

So why is the guy yelling now and waving his arms?

Er...I guess he's trying to get my attention..

Wait! Hey - he speaks perfect English!....What's that he just yelled...sounds like "Can I have my check now?"

Meanwhile, back in D.C., Donald Rumsfeld, when asked about reports of an Iraqi scientist claiming to know the whereabouts of WMDs, said he couldn't comment about that just yet.... Probably wants to wait and see how the whole thing plays in Peoria.

For the actual NY Times article see here.