U.S. Army / Ft. Detrick Has Open Position for Sociopathic, Homicidal Killer

Ft. Detrick seeks a sociopathic, homicidal killer with experience in bioterrorism, anthrax, and the U.S. Postal Service to fill a recently opened position at our "bio-defense" lab in Fort Detrick, Maryland. The qualified individual must have been diagnosed multiple times by top psychiatrists and confirmed to be a certified psychopath. Candidates must pass a rigorous background check and demonstrate a firm and unquestioned commitment to American values. Candidate must be willing to post letters with toxic content during the wee hours of the morning at remote locations. For more information, please send a resume and a copy of your psychiatric evaluations to the address listed below.

COMMANDER,
U.S. ARMY GARRISON
810 Schreider Street
Fort Detrick, Maryland 21702-5000