Guess what? It is another day and I'm drunk...so don't hold me to anything I say, okay? I mean, I might actually say something truthful.
In fact I am drunk all you motherfuckers in the world! Do I care about you? Do I care about the Mideast situation? The fucking politik of the world, much less? (I studied political theory since many years, including time at the Free University of Amsterdam).
Unfortunately, I must answer the affirmative (alcohol IS a truth serum). I tend to find that despite my drunkedness, I care! I give a damn about the world.
No, I cannot keep InterNation going anymore as it is too time-consuming without at least a sponsor to send me enough to pay my rent and umpteen fucking bills it takes for me to keep this office up.
Guess what? I am about to lose this office. I sorta forgot to pay my rent because I decided to give a shit about the world and stopped developing corporate Websites for the elite. Yes, I am an Internat Website developer, whatever that means. I stopped making money on corporate gigs after 9/11...I mistakenly thought that people care more for independent thought than EBAY!!!
Understand. I am a man who only has understood freedom as whether I get the girl to marry me who thinks I am WORTH love, or fucking NOT. Everything where I live is about goddamn fucking money and I'm sick of it!!! The last girl I asked out only cared to know WHAT KIND OF CAR I FUCKING DRIVE. You see, I believe that love is more to do with who we are than what we drive.
GET IT?
Last night I heard of a man who was arrested and will probably do much of the rest of his life in prison for making BOMB THREATS TO THE US GOVERNMENT. He was upset, spent, tired whatever you want to call it because he finally realized what we know in America, that there IS NO SUCH THING AS FREEDOM ONLY THE GOD ALMIGHTY FUCKING DOLLAR. Am I going to blow up Washington, or NY? NOPE. I mean, do I want to do the rest of my life in prison for making a threat? Do I care that free speech is meaningless? Do I care that the country I love has turned into a fucking police state?
Guess what? I am broke and InterNation is all but finished, NOT because the FBI shut it down but because no one supported this work!!! No one hauled me to jail for venting my views. You, among the tens of 1000's of people never understood: this is YOUR Internet rag, not mine, but I cannot keep it up so long as it's all free information, ya know? (DONATE TO INDIE MEDIA IF NOT INTERNATION) 2 weeks ago I published my column, "bin Bush laden" in 16 countries. People throughout the world responded. But without 1 donor, I had to stop working on this and be another fucking capitalist trying to make another fucking capitalist dollar to pay my expenses, to make something of value WORK.
Understand. I am not inherently wealthy. I am not anything at all, really, but a man who believes that he is destined to be a world leader. Does this compute, my dear reader? Really! I know it sound grandiose. But how does one argue with destiny?
I believed that I am supposed to make a difference in a media world dominated by CORPORATE money. So I thought that you in the Netherlands, in the Ukraine, in Italy, the UK and everywhere else, would send something to keep this thing going!
I was an idiot. You do not want a world leader, or else you would support our work. No, you want to buy your Adidas and Coca Cola and Reeboks. I have no wife, no salary, just a desire to save the world. I have a skin disease and am trying not to literally fall apart. You can believe me as I'm drunk at 11:25pm, and alone. Help me to save the world as I am still - at this moment - an optimist.
Funny, but demonstrating my integrity - that I believe that ordinary people like you and me can make a difference - has only meant a few angry letters and at least 3 virus' on my PC. No WOMAN wrote me, saying, Tod, you aspire to great things, therefore let me know you. NO. Instead, it's just another day as the Mideast boils over into violence and my own country (the USA) becomes a little more PATRIOTIC, that I find I am alone in my sense of humanity, and yes, tired (IN NEED OF A LADY WHO WOULD LOVE SUCH A MAN AS ME), AND A WORLD OKAY, WHO WOULD SAY, "Yes, maybe you've gotta point over there at InterNation."
Do you believe that a world leader is in the making? That there is a man who is in the process of being prepared to this end?
Signing off forever, Tod, the man who believed he could actually make a difference. (Do you feel as I do?)